After me, she started dating two women at the same time and lying about it. She actually invited me out to coffee a year later to make "amends. So, no, she's a Narcissist. I didn't have time to write a full book. And include every detail - because the purpose of the article when I wrote it several years ago was to help others going through the same kind of toxic roller coaster with people who deliberately mislead them and play games for their amusement. I"m actually quite happy and my life is drama free because I no longer date people like her.
She actually friended me on FB about a year ago, and I let her because I have no feelings towards her whatsoever. I find your response to be condescending and a trifle obnoxious. If you're not a narcissist and you have not been victimized by one Have a nice day. You decided to "surprise" her at her party. When people are going through a break up, those kind of surprises can feel intrusive. If she didn't expect you there, she may have invited someone else she was trying to impress - like a new lover. You showing up unannounced while you're in the process of breaking up seems disrespectful.
You were on a break - she doesn't owe you anything. The fact that she extended an invitation showcases she wanted you there. Maybe when you didn't RSVP she felt like you snubbed her so she moved on like any rational person would do. I understand you felt humiliated at the party - you have a right to your feelings. But it was also a position you put yourself in by not following party etiquette and submitting an RSVP. You felt unwelcome because your surprise was unwelcome. She didn't plan on you being there. I'm not a narcissist, but if my ex showed up unannounced to an event or party I'm hosting I would act the same way.
No offense, but I stopped reading your article after your party story.
Victimizing yourself as a way to validate your poor actions seems disingenuous. Maybe you should look at the ways you contributed to this situation. It seems like the problem in this relationship was not a narcissist - but poor communication. A true narcissist would never apologize or try to make amends, they just cut you off like you don't exist. May I suggest you read: Hope you find the happiness you are looking for! It seems like this wasn't the relationship for you. Smashing fences like a branded wild horse, senses startled by horrific shock after shock, it was this blog that first gave meaning to my journey of researching narcissism.
I feel we are initially in those early fight or flight stages; hyperarousal swings us toward survival; we might then, at any point, drop from this state into an almost exhaustive space It is the incredible articulation of Wendy's shared story which gives you a solid light forward. I believe you are going in, Bobby. A stage - never linear. I see a therapist.
The warmth of my log burner has been witness to guttural grief. I just read your comment She may be a narcissist, she might not be - but the real issue is how you feel when dealing with her. If you feel exhausted and depleted and unhappy with this person then there is your answer for you what you need to do.
No contact is tough, but it really helps break those toxic connections. Remove her and block her on all social media, block her phone number and move on towards a life and relationship you deserve. You owe her zero explanation so don't offer any. You can let mutual friends and connections know that you need no contact with her for your own peace of mind and that you would appreciate no comments or conversation about her.
You don't need to know how she's doing through her friends. You can always reconnect on social media when you feel stronger in a year or two and no longer have feelings for her. You do what works for you and don't worry about how anyone feels about it. You're not responsible for other people's feelings or issues. It's only by dealing with the darkness that helps us appreciate the light. Yes, they never change They are mentally ill.
Once a person realizes they are dealing with a mental illness - it's time to go! Thank you for your kind word. I beg anyone who has stumbled upon this to RUN away if in a relationship with such a person. They intend to only hurt, harm, and actually loathe anything positive about you. I am speaking with plenty of years of having experienced this. And yes, they can be psychopathic and many have committed or attempted murder on their victims.
I have enough to write my own book. But please do not wrap your life around this person any longer. They will never truly love or are they capable of such. I am only sorry I spent far too much of myself invested in a dead end relationship. I am healing slowly but surely.
I pray for all caught in their web to get free and find out life can and will be better. Thank you for this very well written article and all advice appreciated. Thank you so much for your article Wendy. I'm finding it extremely difficult to cut all ties with my ex. We broke up just over two weeks ago and it's like every time I'm reeled back in, just enough to not know whether I'm coming or going.
When we got together everything, like all new relationships, was exciting and fun. After a while things started to change. She had lost both her parents a number of years ago and hadn't yet grieved.
She was previously married to a man who abused her and then began a relationship with a woman, whom to this day still has a hold over her. I found this out when we went out for drinks with my partner, her ex and her partner.
Discover the antidote to dating a narcissist: empathy toward yourself! Embrace your inner strength. I asked Dr. Craig Malkin, author of Rethinking Narcissism and a blogger on this site, to weigh in on why it's difficult to recover from a relationship with a narcissist.
I could sense something was up. It stung and took me a few weeks to bring this up. I knew every time she got a text from her she would be all over the place emotionally. The same would happen with her ex husband.
I asked him a year down the road if he meant it when he said he would have one baby with me. Group 10 Created with Sketch. Months ago I'd get texts all day long and spend so much time with him but now I feel like I'm only loved when it's convenient and it hurts. Well, that one applies the most to narcissists. Thankfully, I am at the end and should be divorced within a few weeks but he continues to try to control as much as he can. He used to lock me in the house when he went to work. No good for nothing or anyone.